I Resolve

Those darn resolutions... we all have good intentions don't we? At some point some of us are better at them than others. The ones chosen last year lasted for more than 6 months for me, but yes, eventually, one by one, they fell to the way side.

Holidays don't feel like holidays to me now. There is no trek over the hill country and through the barren woods to grandmother's house we go. Even though I have trekked over an ocean now, it just isn't the same. 

So Halloween came and went and was hardly a blip, even though I tried. A lonely pumpkin to be carved and some orange and black wrapped candy made it look a little bit like my favorite holiday, but not enough for it to feel like Halloween. 

Thanksgiving was a day of work for me and then a dinner in Abu Dhabi that was anything but traditional. I tried to make the most of it, but somehow it just wasn't. 

Christmas was great and everyone was festive. Having trekked over the pond to Lubbock Tx to spend time with people who are more my family than my family is/was, I enjoyed my time with Justin and Laura and especially Jacob. A child in the house creates magic that is hard to duplicate any other way. As much as it was close as it could get to looking like Christmas, complete with snow on the ground that morning, it just didn't feel like it to me. 

In a couple of weeks it will be my birthday. I don't dread the years or the numbers because there is no use in it, but I now dread the day... simply because I want my holidays back... I want to feel them, to be excited about them. 

I gave them up for a year when my mom died and now I want them back... and they haven't returned. 

So my only resolution this year is to find my festiveness for the occasion each and every time and make the most of it. I will feel festive, I will feel each and every hoidayish feeling and enjoy the little things associated with it. It may be only in my flat, with my friends, but it will be festive.